Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
3pm strippers are depressing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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