God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
