Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
