Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
