i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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