I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
