Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize