you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
