But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
