Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
