This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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