I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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