I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
