the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize