he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
