You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
