No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
