good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
