ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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