this beer tastes like vomit already
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
