Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize