is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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