What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
