He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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