I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
