I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
