We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
