Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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