sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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