I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
