You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
