Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize