you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
