So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
