I CAN MOONWALK!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
