Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
