i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
