Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
