i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
