Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
