My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
worst night to have a conscience
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize