yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
