There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
