Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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