I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
