So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
