You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize