Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
