I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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