Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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