I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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