What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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