Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
