i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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