so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
