She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
