I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
