Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
