We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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