The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
