I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
