You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
