My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize