is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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