Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
