I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
