ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont even know how to be here
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
