You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
